Dreams: Your brain's way of saying, "Check out how ridiculous I am!"

Wow. I haven't traversed these grounds in a bit. Seems kind of empty and weird. Well, I suppose it's high time I added something new and exciting, dontcha think?

I'm pretty sure this dream was born from the simple fact that I have seen a lot of the inside of schools of late. From visiting my own childrens' new school (Tobey El.), to making deliveries from work to everywhere from WMU to Loy Norrix, schools have been inundating my life for the better part of two weeks now. So this is why I say I'm fairly certain I understand from where this dream originates. There I was in this completely fabricated and amalgamated school hallway, maybe a junior high, staring down the busy corridoor at whom I could only assume was my wife only with a blazing inferno of red hair. See, she's currently a brunetted-blond. As I stood there toting my books, she beckoned me toward her holding slightly secretly a baggie. I was not only intrigued by her (apparently I was actively wooing her) but equally interested in what was in the plastic bag. She led me hurriedly into an empty classroom. As we snuck in, she opened the bag producing three bluish pills split in half. She grinned and told me they would open new doors and let us get away with anything. Now I was really excited. Anything? She dropped three half-pills into my hand, kissed me quickly, and left to head to class. Now what? I wish I knew... Because it was then I woke up. Hmm... no fair brain! I call foul!

My Dreams Are Trying to Kill Me

We have a really crummy mattress and some nights are just ineffectual for sleeping what with the excruciating back pain and what not. So, when everyone's finally gone for the morning, I'll frequently plop on our smaller couch and nod off. Sitting up. I don't know why, I don't understand why I prefer up to reclined, and frankly it doesn't matter because 9 times out of 10, a really nice hour, hour-and-a-half nap is just the ticket and I can on about my day relatively refreshed. But then there are those '1 time out of 10' naps where dreams take over and I end up more tired than I was before. For one example, find the entry called "The Dream of What the F" and you'll see what I mean. Well this one was daffy almost to the point of making me wet the couch.

You see we have a set of wooden stairs that lead to the basement where our laundry room, storage room, and door to the garage are located. I've been up and down those things, in the dimly lit halo of the two lights probably a couple hundred times and I don't ever stop to think, "Say, I'd be willing to bet, self, that there's a creepy-ass ghost right behind you!" I don't think that because, in general, ghosts don't really scare me. I've seen a few and I can generally tell when a place is overrun with them. Our house isn't, ergo: no need to be concerned. Anyway, in this particular dream, I had just come up the stairs with a basket of laundry when I realize I've left the light on in the laundry room. So I set the basket down, and as I turn to go back down I see what is affectionately referred to as a shadow being crouching on the steps glaring at me.

Most shadow beings that I've heard about or seen on TV are typically just shapes, no real distinguishable forms to indicate human features. Sure, some have maybe an arm or a head that looks pretty right, but not always. This one, however was clear as day: full body outline, perfect features, and the size and shape of a little child. It just sat there with its hands out at me and as I saw it, this piercing wail like a train whistle erupted from its head like an alarm. I could do nothing more than scream back at it in such utter terror that I honestly felt tears welling up in my dream eyes and my real eyes.

I jerked awake and just sat there, dumbfounded. I had only been asleep for maybe 20 minutes, I had the TV on to SportsCenter, but the volume was really really low, so I'm sure it wasn't a noise from that. I sat there and looked around making sure someone hadn't gotten in somehow; checked the phone (no caller ID), and my cell... nothing. I gathered myself and decided I probably ought to check the stairs and the laundry room just to be sure... hey, when you're a believer, you're a believer. Went out the door, down the steps, into the laundry room, looked around, went out and back up and, not surprisingly: nothing. I was just a bit disappointed but relieved just the same.

I didn't go back to sleep, by the way.

The Halloween Post

Well, boos and ghouls, tomorrow is officially Halloween, and, according to our glorious weather pattern, possibly also the first day of winter. I kid, of course, but thanks to the outskirts of what was hurricane Sandy (now more affectionately referred to as 'Super Storm'), we're going to be coated with clouds and cold rain. Not exactly the most ideal situation in which to be wrangling three kids through neighborhood streets for Tricks or Treats. So, I think our back-up plan might be in order.

The kids' school has what's called a 'Trunk-or-Treat' in the parking lot. Basically, for those who don't know what these are, it's a ring of vehicles manned by people who serve treats right from their trunks. Ya know, like tire irons, empty bottles, oily tarps, and Mafia victims. It's wonderful and the kids just love it! Okay, I'm kidding. They doll out candy and the like and make it a safer alternative for kids who might not be able to wander the streets due to either weather or because there are some freaky folks out there. However you look at it, Trunk-or-Treat is a lot of fun and -at least last year- the kids got twice as much candy doing that as they did wandering around and we hit a large chunk of a big neighborhood. I know what I'd rather do. Besides, they have games, donuts and coffee, and the herd gets shuffled through far more quickly and we're home in half the time. It's a win-win!

But then we get to hear about it: "But DAD! We want to walk around! We don't CARE how cold and wet it is! We're NOT gonna get sick! You're STUPID!" Ugh... I can't wait for that conversation. It's not like they don't get to wear their costumes and look cool for all their friends (many of which will actually be at the Trunk-or-Treat, anyway). Besides, I'm getting too old to meander around in the freezing wind and rain. Not that the weather bothers me so much, it's just the whining voices coming from the kids who will get three houses in to the night and beg to go to Trunk. I know how this works.

So, I think we're going to do this the easy way. Candy is candy no matter how you beg for it. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 

The one about what's good on TV.

I don't typically go around projecting my likes and dislikes of television shows, I just don't really think anyone cares and I feel the same about those who ramble on to me about the same. But, I figured for one time only, what the hell. Heck, maybe even you like some of these, too!

Doctor Who - If you're not a fan, or even just a casual viewer, I implore you to give this show a once over just to see what you think. And no, you don't have to have a working knowledge of Who's past to tune in. I mean I guess it helps to know that The Doctor is a time traveler who does so in an old Police Call Box, and frequently travels with a companion or two. But that's really the extent. Try it out once and let me know what you think. It's on a hiatus right now till the Christmas special, but you'll typically catch it Saturday nights on BBC (which is Charter channel 100). If you want to see some of last season's episodes, WGVU airs them I think Thursdays at 11pm. Great show, great writing, and Matt Smith is just a joy to watch.

Survivor - This is one of those reality shows that managed to escape the inundation back a few years ago when it seemed nothing else was ever on. I'm not going to explain the premise since I'm relatively sure you've all at least read about it. And I'll even admit that even though I enjoy the show, there have been a few seasons that I couldn't get into because of the vapid characters. This season is quite good though and if you like shows that really do feel quite real and have a bit of a human element, then maybe you'll like Survivor. Besides, Jeff Probst is a pretty cool host.

Elementary - If you like mysteries that, so far (three episodes in) rival most of what CSI has had to offer over the past few seasons, then you'll love Elementary. Just because his name is Sherlock Holmes (Johnny Lee Miller) doesn't mean that he's a fluffy, out-of-touch codger, even if he is a Brit with a bite. He acts like classic Holmes only in his style of deductive reasoning and penchant for acting in solitude. Beyond that, he fits perfectly into modern story lines and present day crimes. His Watson is Lucy Liu and even though I'm not a huge fan of her work, she is really great in the roll of a substance abuse counselor/former doctor and plays off Miller's idiosyncrasies really nicely. I highly recommend this new show and it airs Thursdays at 10 on CBS.

Parks and Rec. - This show has really fallen into its own over the past few seasons, and so far this newest one -where Leslie Knope (Poehler) is finally a Pawnee city councilwoman- has jumped right into the funny. Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson, Aubrey Plaza as April Ludgate, Chris Pratt as Andy Dwyer, and adam Scott as Ben Wyatt are consistently funny and round out one of the consistently funniest shows on TV.

The Big Bang Theory - What can I say about this show that everyone doesn't already know: the life and times of four genius nerds and their ridiculously hot neighbor... not to mention a new wife, an awkward girl friend, and Outer Space! Just all round awesomeness and supreme hilarity. Sadly, I came in late to this show (two seasons ago), but I have since remedied that and have caught up on all the ones I've missed. This show is so much fun to watch and I can just see myself hanging out with these people. Wonderful show.

The Simpsons-Family Guy-American Dad-Archer - All cartoons and all great in their own right. Sure, The Simpsons has taken a more slippery approach to comedy lately making a few episodes more just miss than home runs, but it's still a great show for how long it's been around. Family Guy and American Dad are two of Seth McFarlane's trio that air on FOX Sundays and though both are still rife with Pop Culture and overtly Right Wing humor, I have to admit that American Dad has gotten far funnier over the years and has become one of my favorite shows. Archer is just about perfect as an adult toon with a superb voice cast and just as rabidly filthy humor as you're likely to find. No word yet on when the new season starts, but I suspect November.

The Walking Dead - Season three started with more action and zombie slaughtering than nearly the whole of last season, and that's great because I know I'm not the only one who was getting sick to death of the farm and Carl's inability to stay in the house. He's now just as kick-ass as his dad Rick, and both share a snarling loathing towards their mom/wife and I know for a fact that that ire isn't going anywhere soon. I'm not real fond of her either, so, I'm okay with that. The ragtag band of survivors have finally found themselves somewhere to hole up in a somewhat deserted prison, but all isn't what it seams and things are about to go south really quickly. Michonne and her walker pets is now a permanent member of the cast and it's nice to not only see a new African American cast member, but one who is just epic with a sword. Did I mention pet walkers? So cool. Watch this show Sundays at 10 pm on AMC.

Comic Book Men - I am a HUGE Kevin Smith fan, and this show is the perfect outlet for his irreverent and highly addictive humor. He hosts the PodCast part of the show, but ultimately it focuses on his store, 'Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash' in Red Bank New Jersey. It's a a comic book and collectibles store where four of Smith's life-long friends work and otherwise take care of the place. It's basically 'Pawn Stars' focusing on the world of comics and its like media. It's funny, often times poignant, and sometimes heart-warming. It's a great show and airs right after The Walking Dead at 11:30.

So there ya go. Yeah, I watch a few more shows, but this is the bulk. Now, go watch more TV, fools!

The Dream of What The F?

Yup. That's the title you're getting for this one. And I just remembered that I had this utterly bizarre dream last night and I figured I'd share it with you. Because why not?

Before I get into it, it helps to know that I am a huge Doctor Who fan. That's really all you need to know since this dream has everything to do with Time Travel. Oh, and it's through my eyes as I'm watching it unfurl before me. Maybe I need to stop eating ice cream sandwiches before bed.

So the scene (dream) opens with me looking down at the floor where the body of a little girl lay in a pool of blood. And by little girl, I mean like under 10. And this was almost enough to jar me awake, but I stayed asleep and the horror only continued. From stage left walked The Doctor (the Matt Smith current version), and looked stunned and saddened by the victim. He looked at me and asked if I had any idea how it happened. I sighed and nodded, but I knew (as did he) that the blood wasn't on my hands.

I surveyed the room with The Doctor looking for any kind of clue that might help in the investigation. I might have known the answer, but for reasons that would become obvious soon enough, I wasn't talking. The Doctor didn't seem frustrated, in fact the contrary: he knew I knew, but he also knew I had my reasons for not giving away what I knew. And so we looked. As I knelt I found a ripped bit of cloth clasped in the little girl's dead hands. It was a dark gray and looked to be tweed. Hmm...

The Doctor then, after seeing the concern on my face, decided it might just be for the best if we boarded the TARDIS and just went back an hour to see what led to her death. I agreed, and we went inside. I didn't get any kind of description of the innards of the TARDIS as I had closed my eyes in the dream. So we hit the time stream and ended up right back in the same room but roughly an hour earlier (Timey Wimey, ya know). So there we stood, watching the little girl playing on the floor with a man dressed in a tweed coat and bow tie. If you're a Whovian you can see where this is going. It was the Doctor himself. He turned and looked at himself and me and said that he had to kill the girl because it was his sister, also Galifreian, and she was destined to become a horrible tyrant who would decimate and entire planet. The Doctor himself had seen the future and gone back to kill his own sister. He was weeping, and at this point so was I in the dream. The Doctor who was with me nodded, because he already knew. I tried to argue that changing her was a better idea than killing his own sister, but the both said that her timeline was a fixed point and this was the only way. I cried and cried...

And then woke up.

What the F?

The Drive-In B-Movie Classic: Revenge of the Boxelder Bugs

This article kinda goes hand-in-hand with the previous one because thanks largely to the, "Summer That Wouldn't Die", we get infested -once again- with the nuisance beetle called the Boxelder Bug. I'm telling you, Nature, if you'd just make up your damn mind a little sooner and maybe settle Fall in like you're supposed to, these little pests wouldn't be an issue. But nooooo... you've got to give an already warn out and lengthy season one last hurrah because you owe it money or something. Stay classy, Nature.

Anyway, Boxelder Bugs. So yesterday it was like nearly 80 degrees out and as I was hanging outside waiting for the kids to get home from school I notice a veritable swarm of these filthy insects hovering everywhere and landing on anything they please, including the side of the house that faces the sunniest part of the landscape, and the car. Oh, and just in case you're wondering what I'm talking about, the following is a picture of said unwanted intruder:

They're not really harmful or anything, and evidently they are herbivores so they likely won't sink their mouth-parts into your precious human blood supply, but that's not the point. What they are -like so many of Earth's other worthless organisms that I won't get into right now (I'm looking at you, giant wasps)- are pointless and stupid. I guess they just congregate to mate or something. Look, I don't know I'm not an enti... entymo... Bug Scientist. What I do know is that anything that collects in that high of numbers has got to be up to something. I have my suspicions that eventually there are going to be enough of these critters hanging about to slowly, and without much of a struggle by the caught-unawares human population, take over the World.

I've got my eye on you, Boxelder Bugs... Also I'd like you to meat my friend Hard Frost. He'll be in town real soon. Your days are numbered. 

Look, Michigan, Just Be Stinkin' Fall Already, Huh?

If Michigan had any problems at all (and I'm not implying that it does- even if we all know that it really, really does) then it's the exceptionally wacky weather. And it never fails to do the same stupid thing every... SINGLE... Y E A R! And what is this stupid thing of which I speak? Indian Summer. Yeah, I'm sure that's not the appropriate name for it, but you know what I'm talking about: Fall hits, as it should, at the tail end of September, then the weather gradually begins to cool properly; both days and, especially, nights, and then BLAMMO! suddenly we run T-Bone into high 70's and potential 80's all over again. This, friends, sucks!

If you're reading this properly on the day I posted it, then it's Wednesday, October 3rd. Today it's supposed to be wet, kinda crummy, and around 65. Okay, that's Fall... I like this. Oh, but wait... let's look at tomorrow, shall we? Lemme check News Chanel 3. Oh, there it is: 78. What? SEVENTY EIGHT? Are you kidding me? Wait, wait... can this week be salvaged? Yeah... and herein lies the real issue: Thursday through Sunday: low 50's. This is exactly how people get sick. Don't get me wrong. These are the temperatures our Fall is supposed to be... but not the stupid 78 and then the near thirty-degree drop the next day. Each and every time this happens, inevitably, one of our kids gets sick. And that kid's name is Charlie.

I just got out of a bad relationship with an illness. We decided to separate and see other people. It was amicable and we'll probably still be friends... but I doubt it. Anyway, Charlie gets back from 5th Grade Camp today around noon and the chances are pretty good that his immune system is a bit out of whack since he was outside a bunch. So couple that with the upcoming 'Indian Summer' day and then toss in a huge temp drop over the following week and things could get a little messy. I don't think I'll get sick again, but I worry about Charlie a lot. I guess I'm gonna have to pump him full of Vitamin C and just hope it does its job.

So, in summary... stop being so Summery! See what I did there, Michigan? Yeah... you saw it.